Disciplining Your Child While on Vacation

Ahhh, summer vacation; a time for visiting relatives, taking road trips and seeing new places. It also means changes in routine, strange hours, confined spaces and unfamiliar faces which can add up to discipline issues with your kids. They’re tired, in a strange place, strapped into the car seat or the aircraft, and these agitations may trigger acting out.

One of the important things to remember while on vacation is that you are the consistent link to your kids' “routine” life. They look to you, even on vacation, for consistency in discipline.

Discipline isn't about yelling at kids when they're misbehaving – it’s about teaching appropriate behavior and self-control. Because you are on vacation, there may be situations where the normal method of discipline you use for each child doesn’t quite work. So here are some tips on how to modify your techniques.

Acting Out on an Airplane
Time-out on an aircraft? Yes, but make it “passive" time-out. Simply ignore the annoying behavior (as long as it’s not destructive, of course). Turn away and act like you don't care; in other words, remove yourself as your child’s "audience." When you ignore an inappropriate behavior, you extinguish it . . . usually. The hard part is acting like you don't care. The minute your child calms, or talks in a desired voice, etc., then turn and talk to him. He will see that he gets attention for the correct behavior.

If your child is totally out of control and you don't want the other passengers rioting against YOU, escort your child to the airplane bathroom for a brief time-out. At least you'll have his full attention while the other passengers breathe a sign of relief and thank you.

Acting Out in a Restaurant
Public eateries with the noise, confusion, and stimulation (or strange foods) can trigger inappropriate behaviors. Plus, when YOU sense the watchful gaze of others, you might get nervous or compromise in your alert discipline. If your child goes off, I recommend removing him from the room. Go sit in your car for a moment to allow the silence to help him calm. Wait until he quiets, then talk about the behavior you want to see and return to the restaurant. I know it's an inconvenience to you but, you must address the issue right then and there. If you plead, beg, or coerce your child it only prolongs the public problem and irritates other people trying to enjoy their meal.
Always take along a variety of "restaurant" toys. Keep your child entertained while sitting at the table. Do not allow your child to run around the restaurant; it is dangerous to him and annoying to other people.

Anytime Tips
Be mindful of how often you say “don’t” to your child. Instead, try to give a positive directive such as “keep your shoes on” or “put your hands in your lap.” Remember, you want to teach your kids the RIGHT behavior, instead of always telling them to stop wrong behavior. Simply put it in the positive.

Have fun on vacation. Remember your child might act out because of the confined car ride, the cramped airplane, new faces, or new schedules or food. Be patient but be consistent. Your children need a dependable parent. Soon, you’ll be home again; in the familiar routine and rules.
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More parenting help and tips are available every Tuesday morning on The Parent's Plate Internet radio show. Put it on your calendar to listen so you can be the informed parent you want to be.

Finding the Right Childcare

Did you know. . . Research proves that parents have an important influence on their child’s development regardless of how much out-of-home care children receive? So whether you work outside the home or you are with your child all day, you are still your child’s most influential teacher. Wow, that's heavy responsibility, right?

However, most parents today need childcare due to our lousy economy. So if you're in that boat, here are a few things to look for in your search:

• Adult turnover is low. A stream of new caregivers is unpleasant to young children. It may signal to you that a relationship problem exists between staff and the director, a problem that trickles down to your child.

• Children are touched frequently in positive and affirming ways. Children need to be touched, even if it’s a pat on the back, or holding hands during games.

• Each is addressed by name. There should be a minimal use of group terms like “the infants,” “babies” or “kids.”

• Caregivers are trained in early childhood education. If not degreed, they should be participating in continuing education every year.

• Look for a low adult/child ratio.
  

• Child-rearing and discipline philosophies are similar to yours. You want leave your child in an environment consistent with yours at home.

• Sign in and out policies are enforced. Especially if you leave your little one in a large center with lots of foot traffic, security precautions are a must.

Be wary of the caregiver with the Honey, I’ve been tendin’ kids for 20 years an I know all there is to raisin’ babies! attitude. A caregiver worth her salt – and your money – must learn about your child and continually sharpen her caregiving skills.

There's much more but, I like to keep my blog short. You can find a chapter with tons of tips about finding quality childcare in The Birth to Five Book, and you can get an autographed copy by mailing $14 per book to me at: P.O. Box 1302 | Mount Vernon, OH 43050. (offer good in the U.S. only)

What are your best tips for finding quality childcare? Feel free to leave your comment below.

Problem Behavior . . . or Food?

Ever wonder why kids act the way they do? Often it's their temperament, sometimes it's our parenting style, and occasionally it's the food they eat.

Got a tot who seems fidgety? It may be too much red food coloring or sugar in his system. Traces of these additives are everywhere, even in margarine and toothpaste! Manufacturers put a red coloring into margarine to change it from drab white to eye appealing yellow. Sweeteners are put in most toothpastes. Read ingredients listed on the package and try to decrease these non-nutritives from food sources. Then increase your little one's B vitamins and see if his jumpiness subsides.

Bed-wetting accidents make you and your child fretful? That yummy ooie, gooie chocolate cake and sips of soft drinks may be the culprits. Caffeine, found in chocolate and many beverages, can trigger urinary incontinence. Combine this with a youngster's immature bladder -- about half of the 3-year-old population wet the bed and 12% of 6-year-olds still do -- and you have additional problems. During the early years when little muscles are still gaining control, ease off giving your child caffeine.

Constipation causing calamities? It may be a power struggle as many hygiene issues are between parent and child. But it may be the type food your child is consuming. Restrict high-fat foods like French fries and pre-packaged lunches. It's not a convenience item if it creates bathroom battles. Instead load up your lad with high-fiber fruits and veggies. Many parents tell me their child hates fruit or is picky about which he will eat. Find creative ways to camouflage nutrition and loosen the bowels.

Are nighttimes a nightmare? If you're worn out with a child whoconstantly wakes in the night, discuss it with your pediatrician. Frequent insomnia could be a medical issue. Your pediatrician can rule out annoyances that cause nighttime waking such as pinworms or breathing problems. Studies suggest that the stress of allergies cause frequent wakings. If your child gets a clean bill of health, then consider your response to nighttime wakings. Are you inviting it by giving your child attention? On the nutrition side, offer more protein and calcium near the bed hour. Protein and calcium may produce relaxation or reduce allergy-related wakings. Try a slice of cheese or cup of yogurt as a healthy snack. Then you and your wee one enjoy some much-needed zees.

Does your kid say she brushed her teeth but you smell a lie? Rather than argue, know that chronic bad breath may be a throat infection or poor dental health. First, talk with your pediatrician about these two reasons. If there's no cause, then consider a food fermenting in the intestines. In youngsters, food that isn't being digested correctly may ferment and the odor escapes out the mouth. To keep halitosis out of your house, start a dietary diary to identify the "problem" chow. If you can isolate and eliminate it you may end the bad breath. Also increase vitamin-rich B, C, and E foods, which may help the body detoxify. It's vital that we watch our children's behavior and detect if what they've eaten is eating us. Regulating the foods in your home and lifestyle could help avoid some problems in behavior. Then you and your child will enjoy a more understanding and better relationship.

It just goes to show that we need to look behind our child's naughty or pesky behavior and see if there's something else going on. So what do you think? Got a comment or story, please share!

Divorce is Messy

"One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children," says The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

"While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction." Wrong! This is called emotional incest. Your child is a child and should never take the emotional place of a spouse.

Children misinterpret divorce because they have imagined power and believe they may have caused the adult rift. Often kids will convince themselves that they can make the parents reconcile. Wrong again. It's not a child's responsibility to bring adults back together.

Tuesday morning, February 7, The Parent's Plate radio show kicks around the topic of kids and divorce. I have a guest who came from a unique family life - even by today's standards! I hope you catch the show at togi.us/parents. But if you miss the live airing, you can always go to my host page and click on the show's podcast (at right) or listen on iTunes.

In the meanwhile, here are helpful tips for tackling that tough topic (excuse my alliteration):

• Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
• Tell your child together with your spouse.
• Keep things simple and straight-forward.
• Tell them the divorce is not their fault.
• Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
• Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
• Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the child.
  

~American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry